I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power. The gate looked so weak it could be knocked down by just one soldier with bare hands! Opposite of it was a beautiful tree in the cool breeze and the wood was perfect: No damage, no insects, a family of birds that I recognised as robbins. Unlike that cart over to the left: Damaged, wet in the wheels, rotting, splinters
I went to the church, clumsily and thought I could hear the voice of the lord! There was a big stone statue at the end of the room praying with a hood over his head with some blue on his robe. I creep out silently so I didn't disturb the Lord. And then I could smell a glorious smell of food coming from a ugly looking house but I walked slowly on. I looked up at the grey clouds that were fluffy beds today. And When I went down to the grassy place the grass looked as sharp as knives!
This is awesome Robbie! I really like this line
ReplyDelete"The gate looked so weak it could be knocked down by just one soldier with bare hands!"
Robbie I really like how you wrote "beautiful tree in the cool breeze"and as sharp as knives!
ReplyDeleteJack
Robbie well done. I like how you were expressing how you felt in the story. E.G Clumsily
ReplyDeleteAwesome writing Robbie, I really liked how you pulled the reader in at the start, 'I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power.' I also liked all of the adjectives you used. E.g wet in the wheels, rotting, splinters
ReplyDeleteI like how your story was very descriptive.e.g grass looked as sharp as knives!
ReplyDeleteI like how you had a very explosive start, Robbie.
ReplyDeleteI love your story, it was very descriptive!
i really enjoyed this robbie! i really like the discription in there especally the part were you said: and the wood was perfect: No damage, no insects, a family of birds that I recognised as robbins. :)good job
ReplyDeleteMan Robbie that is amazing it was ful of creativity I loved especially the part (I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power) that's so scary I like that.
ReplyDeleteKa pai e hoa Robbie!!! I completely agree with Emma about how you hooked the reader in with such a interesting and descriptive beginning sentence. I especially enjoyed the way you described the clouds as "fluffy beds". It painted a clear picture in my head. Well done :-)
ReplyDeleteHiya Robbie! I really liked your start; 'I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power'. It immediately hooked me in and I think relating the castle to the people inside was a great way to introduce the reader to the citizens without going into too much detail. Nice!!
ReplyDeleteHey Robbie! I really like you starting sentence:'I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power'.
ReplyDeleteIt is a really great start to your story and it pulls you in.
Good Job!:)
WOW Robbie that was a great descriptive writing I really like the way how you hooked in the reader e.g I was on a street looking at the ghostly castle with dusty flags that no longer gave any men courage and had no power.
ReplyDelete