I stumbled down the dusty cobblestone path, it was lying untouched, waiting for the dust to be disturbed. The freshly cut grass tingled in my nose, refusing to leave me alone, the slight gust of wind brought the spotty orange autumn leaves floating towards the cracked and mossy cobblestone before landing gracefully to a standstill. The lush green vines creeping down the the crumbling castle wall made a eery feeling in the small passageway. In the distance I could hear the soft ‘Baaring’ of the sheep grazing on the nearby mountains.
The Storm clouds almost turned into reverse revealing the hidden sun warming my fair skin. I tasted the sweet air that lingered in my mouth it was vaguely like candy floss dancing on the minuscule taste buds hugging close to my tongue. The hairs on my arm suddenly stood up straight and I got the feeling I was being watched by someone. I looked around glancing at all the buildings and alleys looking for someone or something hiding in the gloom of the houses.
Ben i like the fact that you were using body actions. e.g I tasted the sweet air that lingered in my mouth it was vaguely like candy floss dancing on the minuscule taste buds hugging close to my tongue.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you pulled the reader in, 'I stumbled down the dusty cobblestone path, it was lying untouched, waiting for the dust to be disturbed.' You also used a lot of adjectives which were really good. E.g crumbling castle, freshly cut grass tingled in my nose
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good piece of writing because you ussed a lot of adjectives Eg stumbled and freshly
ReplyDeleteI like how you said "The freshly cut grass tingled in my nose, (refusing to leave me alone,)"so it made me think that you were in a field.
ReplyDeleteKia Ora! I like how even the smallest details like 'I tasted the sweet air that lingered in my mouth it was vaguely like candy floss dancing on the minuscule taste buds hugging close to my tongue' and 'I stumbled down the dusty cobblestone path, it was lying untouched, waiting for the dust to be disturbed' were explained and created an image in my mind. Instantly. Overall a great piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteI liked that you used all your senses like taste, smell and sensation to describe the scene.
ReplyDeleteChur bro
ReplyDelete