I went to see the castle from up close and see if I could go in it. When I got to the castle I looked around for any open doors but there wasn't any doors open. I could hear birds chirping above me I could hear a strange sound I could hear it was a bird crying from the distance.
As I try to go find the local church I walk down a path way I could taste something strange it tasted like sawdust from the wooden chapel.
As I try to go find the local church I walk down a path way I could taste something strange it tasted like sawdust from the wooden chapel.
Nice job Cam i like how you are setting the scene in this writing. eg. When I got to the castle I looked around for any open doors but there wasn't any doors open. I could hear birds chirping above me I could hear a strange sound I could hear it was a bird crying from the distance.
ReplyDeleteI like how you set the scene well eg hear birds chirping above me
ReplyDeleteand dark alley
I like how you said . "I could taste something strange it tasted like sawdust from the wooden chapel".I've never tasted sawdust, but i expect it would be dry and horrible.
ReplyDeleteOla amigo! I liked how you used interesting adjectives that added detail to your writing. E.G: tremendous. I also liked how you gave the sun/castle personification: 'I could see this tremendous castle and the sun beaming off it.' Wonderful writing! :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome writing Cam. I agree with Kate that the part where you said ' I could see this tremendous castle and the sun beaming off it.' Really brilliant. Where you could work on is where you said 'when i got to the castle I looked around for any open doors but there wasn't any doors open.' I don't think you needed the last few words ' wasn't any doors open' it just wasn't needed.
ReplyDelete