Wednesday 10 July 2013

Epic Citadel -By Emma

As the night time drew in, The lonely scent of baking bread came to an end. As all the lights blew out one by one, the once lively street turned into a dark, creepy passageway. As I carefully stepped over the mossy rocks, the shadows slowly gloomed over head. The last sound of the beautiful birds was heard, and then the darkness fell in.

The shivering cold wind of winter started to blow. A warm glow of fire could be seen in the distance. The darkness took over me as I fell down onto the rough, stone pathway...
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8 comments:

  1. Anonymous11 August 2013 at 21:34

    Awesome it was short but fantastic I enjoyed it a lot and whish there was ten more pages. Good use of words making sure they are the best words you could choose.

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  2. Anonymous11 August 2013 at 22:07

    I liked how you did "The lonely scent of baking bread"not just the smell


    Jack

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  3. Anonymous11 August 2013 at 23:32

    I like how you said "the once lively street turned into a dark, creepy passageway."instead of just the street turn dark and creepy.

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  4. Anonymous12 August 2013 at 18:42

    Emma! As I started to read your story, I couldn't stop. You did an awesome at helping me paint a picture in my head eg. 'As all the lights blew out one by one, the once lively street turned into a dark, creepy passageway' I had the scene in my head the whole time, It was awesome!

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12 August 2013 at 21:47

      I agree with Sophie it is way better than just dark and creepy that's totally awesome.

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  5. Anonymous12 August 2013 at 23:13

    Hi there! I really enjoyed reading your writing-it was short and sweet and I could imagine it in my head the whole way through. I liked how you showed not told the reader it was the evening. For example 'As I carefully stepped over the mossy rocks, the shadows slowly gloomed over head'

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  6. Anonymous13 August 2013 at 00:12

    I liked the gloomy bits about the once lively town turning into a dark passageway. I also liked the descriptive words e.g. "The shivering cold wind of winter started to blow".

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  7. Anonymous13 August 2013 at 20:45

    I like how you showed that it was very creepy and the person felt very alone EG: "As the night time drew in, The lonely scent of baking bread came to an end. As all the lights blew out one by one, the once lively street turned into a dark, creepy passageway."

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