I dragged my feet along the dry dusty street, staring at the cluttered gardens. Weeds stretched through the smallest gaps in between the pebbles.
I still wandered aimlessly, the cobblestone path seemed to be growing longer the more I walked. There was no wind and an eerie silence fell over the medieval village. A soft glow cast shadows to the ground. The only noise was the crushing sound of my footsteps.
The chilling atmosphere sent a shiver up my back and a lantern flickered in the dark tunnel in front of me. The cry of a bird startled me, forcing me back into reality.A faint smell of smoke filled the icy air. The humming of cicadas was reminding me of an electric fence. What was in front of me was a charcoal crumbling castle the colour worn with age. The waterfall at the bottom of the cliff was unkempt and mossy rocks engraved the banks. My eyes were drawn towards the last beam of sunlight hovering over the old castle tower, showing me this long day was coming to an end.
fantastic I loved it making me untried wanting to finish as I read down the page. Awesome job of setting the seen it was fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your first sentence, I dragged my feet along the dry dusty street, staring at the cluttered gardens. It made me want to read more. Also you used a lot of describing words. e.g The humming of cicadas.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a good story! It pulls the reader in right at the start and has such good descriptive language like: The chilling atmosphere sent a shiver up my back. It is a really good sentence because it makes you want to read on
ReplyDeleteThis is a very descriptive piece of writing
ReplyDeleteI really like the pare when you looked at the specific details eg Weeds stretched through the smallest gaps.
Jack
Hey Niamh!! I loved your story!Especially how you set the scene at the start eg.' I dragged my feet along the dry dusty street, staring at the cluttered gardens. Weeds stretched through the smallest gaps in between the pebbles' This was an awesome start to the story and I couldn't stop reading. It was an awesome story overall.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your use of imagery eg the sentence that "the humming of cicadas was reminding me of an electric fence". I liked the scarey sentence that said that "a lantern flickered in the dark tunnel in front of me".
ReplyDeleteHey hey! LOVED IT. I liked how it seemed mysterious and abandoned. An example of this is: 'There was no wind and an eerie silence fell over the medieval village. A soft glow cast shadows to the ground. The only noise was the crushing sound of my footsteps.'
ReplyDelete