The air danced in the gentle mist as a nearby autumn tree swayed in the soft wind. A bright orange leaf fell like a feather dashing to the ground. Green moss climbed up the roots of the tree as it moved harshly in the now strong but lush wind.
I crept slowly toward the stone brick castle as my shadow sneaked carefully behind me. My frozen feet skid against the curved twisted path. A low lit fire next to the buildings warmed my body but I was still as frightened as a frog in france. My heart skipped a beat as I wandered into a long dark hallway. Everything turned pitch black.
Awesome I loved your writing as you put your creative juices in it. Nice use of language as it was sucking me in.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used a lot of describing words like ' as the golden sun set in the thunder dark sky while the black starry night reached over the stone carved city'
ReplyDeleteAlso you used a lot of similes like ' but I was still as frightened as a frog in France'
I like how you set the scene. e.gI stood in amazement as the golden sun set in the thunder dark sky while the black starry night reached over the stone carved city
ReplyDeleteI like how you plenty of expression and used a few of the senses in your writing e.g ''My frozen feet skid against the curved twisted path.'' and ''The last call of the birds was heard and the screams of hawks pierced my ears''
ReplyDeleteI like how you did curved twisted path
ReplyDeleteIt was a very descriptive short story
Sarah! Your Story was awesome, I really liked it. You had great use of descreptive text and adjectives eg. 'The air danced in the gentle mist as a nearby autumn tree swayed in the soft wind. A bright orange leaf fell like a feather dashing to the ground. Green moss climbed up the roots of the tree as it moved harshly in the now strong but lush wind.' I loved that whole paragraph! Awesome work!
ReplyDeletedescriptive*
DeleteKon'nichiwa! Loooved it girl! I liked how you used lots of language features- it painted an image into my mind. E.G: 'my shadow sneaked carefully behind me' and 'The air danced' and also ' I was still as frightened as a frog in france'. Awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteEvery sentence was packed full of great vocabulary and description.
ReplyDeleteWell Done Sarah