As I crept through the rusty metal gate, my blue sneakers dragged across
the hard stone path like a claw against a blackboard. Twinkling spider
webs crammed the edges of the concrete doorway. Sparkling like crystals
beyond the bright yellow rays of the enormous diamond moon.
The creek of the rusted door screeched open as I carefully sneaked into a gloomy
rooted world of filth and steel bars. Moss climbed up the dark stone
walls as dirty blue tiles curled into twisted branches of peeled rot.
The number of sharp bent nails wedged in the walls were endless. My
heart sank when I caught a glimpse of the wretched grey skull at my
feet. Hundreds of wriggling white maggots squirmed in and out of the
creepy carcass. I pushed myself forward trying to concentrate on my
ruthless mission. I stared up into the high ceiling. What once was a
great magnificent hall, is now a rotting ruin.
The uneven line of old bar windows speed past me. It was almost like the
terror of my mind had consumed me into seeing or feeling brutal things
that aren’t there. The hall stretched on. Splatters of rust melted on
the walls while the mist swirled around my trembling feet. An ear
piercing shriek of a jail door slowly shifted open. I kept going.
Dragging one foot after another until I reached the tiny battered door
at the end of the hall. I gently nudged it open. I lowered my head so I
could fit through. As I trudged inside, the disgusting stench of the
cell made my eyes tear up. After blinking fast. I saw him.
There he was. Slumped into the dusty leather chair. His face scared like he
been hugging a cactus. His bushy grey hair swayed in front of his face
like a vine. A half-eaten sandwich lay still on his lap. He wore a dark
red uniform smothered in cobwebs and dust, A small fez that was six
sizes too small for him, and a dented name tag with faded words on it. on
it. His face was square and motionless. His eyes were flickering on and
off as he let out long, grunting snores that echoed around the cell
room. He was virtually transparent.
“Excuse me sir…” I mumbled. He didn’t move. I looked around awkwardly. “He he hello?” I started to stutter. He didn’t even twitch. My mind jumped around like a wild pony trying to think of something to say. That's when I saw it. The haunting sight of the mirror behind him. The chairs reflection was there. But he wasn’t. I backed away slowly realising how extreme it was. My heart sank as I sprinted down the hall back to the exit. I didn’t stop. I kept going. Couldn’t stop. Kept going...
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ReplyDeleteToo good to be true Sarah this story was gaw dropping, I couldn’t stop reading one of the good part's that was good describing eg: My blue sneakers dragged across the hard stone path like a claw against a blackboard (amazing) as a lazy option would of been My sneaked scratched the path but that wouldn't of painted the picture in the readers mind. If I had to give you a next step it would be make sure not to over describe a word but still not to leave it only one word.
ReplyDeleteThis writing is excellent Sarah! The simile at the start of your writing is very fabulous e.g ''Sparkling like crystals
ReplyDeletebeyond the bright yellow rays of the enormous diamond moon. '' Your personification is truly great e.g '' Moss climbed up the dark stone
walls as dirty blue tiles curled into twisted branches of peeled rot. '' The climax is great and it would impress everybody who reads it.