The dark lane stretched out before me into the endless forest. My eyes strained to seek out the white path that snaked into the distance. I panicked. As I crept down the shadowy, strangely alive path I could see in the distance a shadow appearing and disappearing. As I got closer , I could hear the faint sounds of a little girl singing “ Ring a ring a Rosie a pocket full of . . . .” I decided this was a terrible place to be but there was no turning around.
Suddenly, slow steady breathing came from behind me. Black petals and dead music from a ghostly organ whispered a song I could recognise, a song of happiness and joy from a happy couple about to be.....
“no” As I was pushed to the ground my eyes stared into a gloomy, foggy mist, the cold ghostly figure streamed past my bulging, brown eyes. My body lifted as I rose from the ground, my pale white legs were covered in white sheets as if I was wearing a wedding dress. Now I could hear the orchestra sing a sweet note, I thought this was my time to be free but as I tried to move, my arm was grasped by a tattered man beside me. What was he doing here? I wondered.
The man he, he.
“Dad, Dad” Where am I .... BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.......... BEEP....
Once again the recurring dream appeared in my mind. That morning when I went to school the same number would appear, it seemed to be on each letter box it was the number 24. I thought to myself, does this number have something to do with my dream. I was so curious, the stress of my mind saying 24 24 24 24 24 and so on, Just made me want to find out, each day I would look up the number 24, all it said was two beloved people died. It was a mystery. So I decided to ask dad. “Dad Dad” “What happened on the 24th of August, no, June 1921”” Its a long story” sighed dad. Tell me Tell me Tell me.
Once upon a time your grandmother got married, she was a lovely woman but the day of her wedding the most tragic thing happened, Her beloved husband got kidnapped, so she went looking for him. When she found him he was hanging from a tree. She fell to the ground, her heart was pounding with rage, her mind was filled with sadness and couldn't live without him. She lay down on the forest floor and waited for her death. They were never seen again.
Great work Sophie I can really feel the emotion almost as if i'm the little girl. You put some good language features and vocabulary.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece of writing,Sophie
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was really descriptive and I could feel what you were like.The way you used the''...'',built up lots of tension.The way you wrote ''once upon a time'' was a bit boring and made me not want to read the last paragraph.Apart from that,your writing was pretty good
Wow Sophie this is such a great story, All the descriptive language really pulls you in and makes you want to read more :) My favorite part of this story is "Suddenly, slow steady breathing came from behind me. Black petals and dead music from a ghostly organ whispered a song I could recognise, a song of happiness and joy from a happy couple about to be....." All of the use of the adjectives describes the scene really well :) I want to read more!
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